Amazing Grace

It's taken me a few days to absorb the message we heard at church on Sunday. It was so awesome, and the timing was so perfect...I didn't want the morning to end. It was one of those Sunday mornings where you just feel the Holy Spirit inside of you, and that God is speaking directly to you. It's as if you have a special audience with Him. Not that He's not here all the time...but sometimes, there's just a certain something and you know He has heard your heart.

In a nutshell, the message was about the Grace that God has given to all the believers. Grace: undeserved kindness. John the pastor talked about the cost of that Grace for God and how He paid the ultimate price so that we, his children can spend eternity in heaven with Him. And we don't earn it...otherwise it wouldn't be called Grace!

These are all things I know. It's never a bad time to have that reminder. And then...he brought up adoption. John talked about the cost to the parents...financial, emotional, etc...and what it means for the child. He had an associate pastor join him on stage (who had adopted internationally a few years ago). They pointed out the similarities in being adopted into God's family. As an adoptive parent, you LOVE that child. If the child misbehaves, you don't send them back. The child doesn't "earn" his/her right to be in your family by being a good person.

On top of that, they talked about the  joy of adopting. They discussed the possible fate of a child who isn't adopted. They talked about the joy of hearing that child say "I love you daddy" that first time. They talked about the joy that child brings to the family.

I needed it. I'm angry about the constant delays. Every now and then Satan, who does his job so well, whispers in my ear. I allow those whispers to bring doubt into my mind. I suddenly begin to believe that I won't be enough for Katelyn..that she's going to need more than I can do/give. I start to wonder if my two boys will be okay and what cost this adoption will bring to them.

Then I heard that message. I was reminded of all the reasons we are so excited to bring her home. I remembered the joy I know she will bring to us. I remembered what a privilege it's going to be to be her mom.  I remembered that God is who brought us to this decision and that no matter if/how difficult it might get, He will be with us every step of the way. We CAN do this! We just need that sweet little face here so we can begin our journey.

Perfect, absolutely perfect timing at church this week. I LOVE when that happens! I spoke to the associate pastor after the sermon and told him how much I appreciated him sharing his story, and how much I needed to hear it. He was touched and we all prayed together. He knows this torturous wait well and knew exactly how and what to pray.

And then we ended our Sunday by Skyping with Katelyn and sharing some time with her. I was pretty low on Saturday about the whole thing. Sunday renewed it all and gave me strength to go further and wait more. I'm so thankful for our church here.

If anyone wants to hear the sermon. It will be smartest way you've spent an hour of your time in a long while. Click on the link and check out the one entitled Amazing Grace.

Care package number 2

We are sending our second care package to the agency tomorrow. Here's to hoping it has a smoother and faster journey than the last one did.

We are including several more photo pages, and this time it's all about the grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. We risk overwhelming her, but I think she'll also enjoy putting some faces with names...and seeing that there ARE other females in this family. ;)

We also put a little tin Cinderella box. Inside are several little goodies...a purple pen, bouncing ball, noise maker, plastic ring, a lollipop, and some Sponge Bob stickers. Just what every 6 year old girl needs, right?

It is typical to give red envelopes full of money and gifts to children in the celebration of the Chinese New Year. We bought envelopes and stuck some coins (chocolate) in along with a $5 bill. It's not much but we want to acknowledge it and the boys are keen on adding another family tradition to the calendar.

Praying for a final decree and orders to schedule travel!

Happy Birthday from our girl

Skype # 8 I believe. 

Today was the first day of her winter break. Apparently a break in routine puts her in a grumpy mood. She would rather be at school. We did hear she had high scores at school, Math and Chinese being her best subjects. They keep talking about how smart she is. They also mentioned she loves to watch Sponge Bob. Yup..she's gonna fit right in! 

She is so sweet. She sang Happy Birthday to me in Chinese and the in English. She also made me a card. Best birthday present ever! I got it on video and I wish I could upload it here. Love her!

The subject of her extended family came up and we discovered that the translator also worked with her bio sister (age 15 or so now) and her older brother) now adopted and living in Utah). She remembers meeting Katelyn when she was about 3 years old when her brother came in for his English lessons. How awesome that she gets to work with her now and see her placed with a forever family! 

We also discussed the probability that in a few years, we will return to Taiwan and that hopefully we'll be able to meet up with her sister (who recently expressed the desire to see Katelyn again) and perhaps even her foster mom. I pray we can make that happen. 

Other than a few attempts at blowing bubbles with her gum, she didn't say much else. The social worker also shared with us that Katelyn often talks about this great family that is adopting her. I guess she was telling her older sister (she got to see her for first time in a long while) all about us and was excited. To be 6 and have this daunting process in front of you, I love that at least part of her is excited about it. 

We also told her that the boys would be coming with us when we come to Taiwan to pick her up. She seemed excited. I keep picturing the day we get to walk into that orphanage office and see and hug her for the first time. When her brothers are there..I know it will help break the ice. Instant playmates are always a good thing. 

So...counting down til we go to get her. I pray it is soon. Very, very, soon. 

From Katelyn's perspective

I came across this List and while I've always felt the weight of what Katelyn must endure in order for her to become a member of our family, this exercise put it into perspective. It may seem a little kooky, but for effect, I encourage you try it.

1. Name the most significant person in your life
     Andy
2. What is your most important role?
     Mother
3. Who is your greatest support group?
     The women in my Connect Group
4. Your heritage.
     American
5. Your favorite place?
     My home
6. Activity I enjoy most?
     Being with Andy, social activities with friends
7. Knowledge 
     (this represents info you use to complete everyday tasks)
8. Resources 
     (all material possessions, everything you own that is familiar)
9. Cultural Information
     (everything you know about your culture..language, food, customs, norms)
10. Faith & Values
      (your concepts of right and wrong, your religious beliefs)

Now what 4 things from that list could you do without? Cross them off.


1. Name the most significant person in your life
     Andy
2. What is your most important role?
     Mother
3. Who is your greatest support group?
     The women in my Connect Group
4. Your heritage.
     American
5. Your favorite place?
     My home
6. Activity I enjoy most?
     Being with Andy, social activities with friends
7. Knowledge 
     (this represents info you use to complete everyday tasks)
8. Resources 
     (all material possessions, everything you own that is familiar)
9. Cultural Information
     (everything you know about your culture..language, food, customs, norms)
10. Faith & Values
      (your concepts of right and wrong, your religious beliefs)

Everything will be okay, don't worry...cross off two more.


1. Name the most significant person in your life
     Andy
2. What is your most important role?
     Mother
3. Who is your greatest support group?
     The women in my Connect Group
4. Your heritage.
     American
5. Your favorite place?
     My home
6. Activity I enjoy most?
     Being with Andy, social activities with friends
7. Knowledge 
     (this represents info you use to complete everyday tasks)
8. Resources 
     (all material possessions, everything you own that is familiar)
9. Cultural Information
     (everything you know about your culture..language, food, customs, norms)
10. Faith & Values
      (your concepts of right and wrong, your religious beliefs)

Trust me, this is in your best interest....cross off 2 more.


1. Name the most significant person in your life
     Andy
2. What is your most important role?
     Mother
3. Who is your greatest support group?
     The women in my Connect Group
4. Your heritage.
     American
5. Your favorite place?
     My home
6. Activity I enjoy most?
     Being with Andy, social activities with friends
7. Knowledge 
     (this represents info you use to complete everyday tasks)
8. Resources 
     (all material possessions, everything you own that is familiar)
9. Cultural Information
     (everything you know about your culture..language, food, customs, norms)
10. Faith & Values
      (your concepts of right and wrong, your religious beliefs)


Annnnd, that's where I bailed. I can't cross off anything else. But internationally adopted children are asked to do this very thing. They often leave all that they know. The food, the language, the culture, the sights and smells, their friends, their caregivers and comforters, their homes, their religion (or lack thereof)...all left behind.

We know that, like in our case, without international adoption, these children would remain orphans, kicked out of the system at age 14 or 16. In many countries, the kids end up in the sex trafficking world. They lack education and have no real future. Katelyn would never have a permanent family in Taiwan.

But that doesn't lessen the difficulties of the transition and the grieving that follows. I pray often that God will guide us in helping her through this process, and give us the words and actions to say and do. I know Katelyn is resilient and smart. It's how she got to where she is today and that will serve her well in the coming months. And it never hurts for the adults in her life to remember what it took for her to get here.

Passports and another Skype

We got the boys' passports today. I had to renew mine and it arrived as well.

We are all looking forward to seeing her on Skype this Sunday. Not looking forward to my Chinese lesson. Would it be bad to skip class? ;-)

We need to open her Christmas presents before the Skype session. When we told her we had several that were all wrapped and waiting, she directed that we open them and have them ready to show her at our next talk. I love that she couldn't wait!

Praying for the final decree...

Why?

A great read!

Why are we adopting?

Proverbs 3:5-6

I find it interesting that when I decided to join Beth Moore's memory verse project (Siesta Scripture Memory Team) I was led to choose Proverbs 3:5-6 as my first verse. It says "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. Acknowledge Him in all your ways and He will make your paths straight." (bolding is my own emphasis)

Oh isn't God amazing? This wait during our adoption, the inevitable questions as to WHY there are so many delays, the hurdles that keep slowing down the process....all instances where we just have to trust Him. Again and again. Perhaps I'm a slow learner so He keeps reminding me? I dunno..but learning the verse, praying about it, and applying it to my own life has helped me immeasurably.

Gotta love when God steps in in such tangible ways and reminds you that it IS going to be okay. I LOVE when He speaks to my heart directly. What an awesome God!

Don't get me wrong, Taiwan judges and adoption delays still make me batty, but I'm so thankful God is in control. I really am in awe!

Over one hurdle and onto the next

The Mayor finally submitted the paperwork the judge had requested. Thank goodness! That was a long delay and I'm thankful it's done.

She also told us the First Decree has not been issued yet. I wasn't sure we would be notified when that happened and so I sort of assumed it already had. But no such luck. The judge can decide to waive the decree (and the wait while it's published in the newspaper), but since the judge has yet to show much urgency with our case, I'm not counting on that.

Then the final bit of news. The Chinese New Years is on Feb 10 this year. Our agency spoke to the orphanage and they said that realistically our case will not be finished before the New Year celebration. Naturally, the courts close down for a week to celebrate the CNY. Another week delay. That puts them back at work week of the 18th and if there are other things in the case for the court to do, it could be a few weeks after that. And after the adoption is final, they will call us and schedule our travel which is typically about 4 weeks later.

Suddenly, our "should be going to get her around November" has turned into March, probably April timeframe...if we're lucky. Perhaps even May.

I can't describe how disappointed I am. I want to blame someone, make calls to fix it, impress upon someone, somewhere that these delays are pointless and that she needs to be home with us already. But there is no someone, somewhere. Just lots of prayer, deep breaths, and just plain getting over it. You don't have any other choice.

I thank God for this deep desire and longing for her. I know God's timing is perfect. And we are learning patience like never before. Because of Him we are adding this beautiful little girl to our family...we get to parent her. I recognize what a miracle this is. I know it will all be more than worth this wait. But days like today are still frustrating.

I realized that one thing that I'm HORRIBLE at is doing the whole "not knowing" thing. Boy am I becoming an expert at that now. No idea how it's really going there or what's left on the case to do. No idea of who the judge is or how he typically rules on these things. There is no meter around here (trust me I've thought about how great that would be) that shows you how close you are to the end. Wouldn't that be awesome? You'd know not to get excited yet because the red line hasn't reached the top yet. Or you'd know it's nearly time..the case is moving. Yup..we need an adoption meter. I want one installed immediately please.

So there's the latest. Praying that things suddenly move faster and maybe we can go get her before the Chinese New Year. I won't stop praying that things go more quickly until we get that call. A girl can always hope and pray right?

More news that isn't really news

So we heard from the agency. They (the orphanage) scheduled Skype calls for all of the other families except ours. The agency is following up on that. They've asked the orphanage weekly if the Mayor has submitted the documents and so far, no dice. They are going to ask again tomorrow if they can get any info from the courts to see where we are in the process.

She also threw out there that foster cases take 4-5 months on average. Multiple times we've been told they take 90-120 days, often much faster. It's just discouraging. My 12 year old self read the "4-5 months" line and said "whatever" in reply. I hate timelines right now.

Finally, they also mentioned that they would be doing a "travel call" with all of the families that will be traveling soon. I don't know what that means but hey, we'll participate in anything having to do with our case, any day, at any time. I figure it's more about the details of what our trip will be like. At least we know we must be going soon if they're including us in that right??

And I'm officially obsessed with all things Katelyn. I've wanted her here and dreamed about it, but I think I've gone over the edge. I constantly do the math and figure out what time it is for her, what she might be doing. This afternoon I knew she would probably just be waking up for her Tuesday.  I picture her in her little school uniform . I dress the boys for cold weather and think about how the social worker thought our 55 degree weather would be VERY cold to Katelyn. I chuckle when I see the thermometer at 40 degrees and picture her all bundled up. I imagine her at church, sitting next to us, meeting the other families who have adopted internationally and ask about her constantly. I cook dinner and set 4 plates, wishing there was a 5th. I make spaghetti and wonder if she'll think it's anything like the spaghetti she claims to like in Taiwan. I put on makeup and think about the fact that I get to share that with her one day. I talk to the boys through the rearview mirrored tilted down to see the backseat and picture her right there in the middle. I talk to the ESL teacher and check out her classroom, imagining Katelyn in the room. I walk through Target and meander through the girl's section..mentally shopping on my way. We see previews  for a movie that will be out this spring or summer and realize she'll be here to see it. I think about the people in the neighborhood who contributed to our garage sale...and know that they'll notice when she's finally home.

I guess going over the edge is a good sign. It must, it really must be close right?

Skype and puke

I guess the break in blogging kind of tells the story for me. Nothing to report. We finally Skyped with Katelyn on Dec 23rd. It was a nice visit and nice to see her little face. She had the photo album we sent last October and had a few questions. Nothing was said about the cameras we sent or the other gifts in the bag for her. I can't even say with confidence that she received all of it.

Truth be told, I'm just bummed about the whole thing. We can't get a reply back from our agency. We leave messages and ask about updates, the next Skype session, or whatever. We ask that they call us or text or email...basically anything to let us know they got the message. Perhaps tomorrow we'll hear from them. God is holding me together when it comes to Katelyn right now. Thankfully.

Our Skype with her went well. She got to meet many  of our family members as we were in Oklahoma when we talked to her. I think she was happy to seem some other females around. We pointed out that she would have some cousins who liked Barbie and that seemed to brighten her right up :) She was a little overwhelmed at all of the cheerful hellos from so many people. We were sort of reprimanded for doing that without telling her first. But really, we hadn't spoken to her in 6 weeks and we had no idea we'd be in Oklahoma at the same time as the call. And we certainly wanted and loved being able to share a small bit of her with the family who are all so very excited about her. We nodded and smiled and promised not to let it happen again and that seemed to satisfy them. Definitely a case of don't ask permission first..just ask for forgiveness later.

At the end of the Skype call the social worker asked us how we plan to communicate with Katelyn. You have to be very careful when speaking to them, but my reply in my head was that we'd be working with her to teach her english, use gestures and flashcards, and that she will as a matter of course, learn to speak pretty quickly. But they seemed very interested in how WE are going to speak Mandarin to her. We didn't really have an answer. This prompted her to tell us that for future Skype calls, we would spend 30 minutes with her after Katelyn leaves and that she would give us Mandarin lessons. Keep in mind that when I tried to say her name Han-Ling (seriously, how hard can it be to mess that up) she laughed AT me and corrected me. I'm pretty sure I never did say it right. So yeah...Mandarin lessons after every Skype from now on? Fantastic! How do I get myself into these situations?

I know they mean well and are making such a generous offer out of concern for Katelyn and for us. It's not as if you can say "nah...I'm good" and turn them down. Oh how I wanted to! Wonder if she can just teach Andy? lol

Christmas was pretty much one of the worst ones we've ever had. To keep it in perspective, we're all fine now, we got home safely, and we are STILL incredibly blessed. But my niece Regan (whom we now refer to as Typhoid Mary) caught a stomach virus at preschool the week before we saw her. She had been free of the vomit monster and had no fever for almost 36 hours by the time we saw her. Who knew that  48 hours later a total of 16 people (family and friends who visited) would come down with the same virus. ON Christmas eve and day.

Yup, we opened presents in shifts, the big Christmas dinner was canceled, and no one wanted to come near the house with the plague. It was horrible. All four of us were part of those 16 people. We took over my sister's bedroom so that whoever (sometimes more than one of us) happened to be puking at the time would be near a bathroom and a parent. At one point Andy was helping Nathan and had to hurry him out of the restroom so he could get sick himself.

Nothing like laying in a bed that isn't yours, plastered up next to your 6 year old who is at least 200 degrees warmer than any other body I know, listening to your husband throw up, with the room spinning every time the bed moves, and smelling the Christmas ham cooking that a few vomit-free individuals were going to eat. No really... the worst. Christmas. ever.

At one point we even heard Regan (who was of course awesomely oblivious to what gift she gave us) was playing with her new Barbie castle. I heard her singing and making up songs...and she sang "diarrhea evvvvery where...diiiiiiiarrhea everyWHERE!" So horrible it's hilarious!

Anyway, it was definitely memorable and not like we had imagined at all. I was picturing Christmas here in Alabama..staying in our own home because Katelyn would have just arrived. It was not to be.

We spent New Years with the Sloans and other friends from our Connect Group. God has surrounded us with some pretty amazing people so it was a wonderful way to usher in the New Year. We played games, set off some fireworks, included all of the children, and just had a nice night.

I was in a big hurry to put up our Christmas stuff. That's unusual for me but I'm just bummed she isn't here. It's what I get for making plans. My human mind cannot help it, but it stinks when MY plans don't unfold the way I thought. I just keep praying and praying and praying. I don't know how someone who doesn't have God in their life can get through this process. I really don't.

Lastly, and a definite bright spot, there is one thing that we've changed in the past couple of days. Andy and I were talking and we have debated many times the merits of bringing the boys with us to Taiwan. This weekend we decided to quit being stupid. I looked up airfares and they've fallen since last month. It's not that much more when it's all said and done and so we're doing it. My 11 and (by then, 7 year old) will be WITH us on our trip. As soon as we made the decision, I had a weight lifted off of me. That's when I knew our decision was the right one. I want them to see Taiwan, be with us and make this whole experience something our WHOLE family is part of. It makes me SO happy. They boys are beyond thrilled.

We are now going tomorrow to expedite their passports. Assuming we will have 3-4 weeks from the phone call to actual travel..even if Taiwan calls tomorrow, their passports will be back. We should be all set.  The delay really sucks but it means we've had more time to save more money and for airfare prices to fall...so the boys can go too. A definite positive during this unending wait!